


Runs in the Family

by Squeeb100



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Bonding, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hiccup and Snotlout are cousins, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Insecurity, Race To The Edge, oh how the turns have tabled - Freeform, or so it seems on the surface, takes place during rtte, there we go just shove that tag in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 03:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20302897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squeeb100/pseuds/Squeeb100
Summary: Snotlout is deeply insecure in a way Hiccup finds familiar. He stumbles through consoling his cousin one night on the Edge, and their stunted emotional conversation develops into something which feels like the way friends might talk."'Say it. I’m basically useless to the team.' Snotlout closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose like Hiccup was trying his very last nerve. Or he was tired. Very tired. 'I don’t know things, I don’t strategize, I’m not smart enough to come up with a plan and I’m not a dragon whisperer. Hel, my own dragon barely puts up with me! I’m not a good enough fighter and you said yourself I’m never where I should be. I can’t do anything right.' He broke off, breathing hard."'It sounds like you’re doing a lot of comparing yourself to others,' Hiccup replied."





	Runs in the Family

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings:  
\- References to spousal/child abuse  
\- References to pretty intense bullying  
\- Hiccup does a swear

Hiccup wasn’t _unused _to being awakened by screeching, but he still rolled out of bed in surprise, coming to his senses on his hands and knees. Really, he shouldn’t have been so shocked. He lived on an island with dragons. But these weren’t the standard territorial screeches or courting screeches or locating screeches; these were under-the-breath screeches, if any such thing was possible, and a moment of casting around frantically revealed their source: the giant Monstrous Nightmare craning his head through the window.

Which explained why Toothless was lying on his rock slab, awake but unconcerned, luminous eyes gazing at Hiccup half-lidded as if to ask, _And what would you have me do about it?_

Hiccup rolled into a sitting position and looked up at the truly massive dragon, running a hand through his mussed hair. “Hookfang? Wha’re you doin’ here?”

Another soft, keening screech. The dragon’s huge slanted eyes were nearly crossed with the effort it took to look at Hiccup straight-on, but Hiccup could read in his subtle expression that he was upset. _Melancholy _was such an odd word for an emotion expressed by a towering, flaming, toothy Nightmare, but it was accurate.

Toothless moaned at Hookfang from his bed, sympathizing.

“Snotlout?” Hiccup guessed, still slowly dragging his mind out of its sleepy haze. “Is he okay?”

Another mournful screech. Hookfang wasn’t frantic, so Hiccup could probably cross out any injury or danger, but the dragon was clearly worried about his rider. And, for some reason, he wanted Hiccup to help. The dragons had come to Hiccup for help before, trusting and loving him enough that they seemed to think of him as The Human One Goes to For Things, but Hookfang was so _proud. _Hiccup thought he’d never see the day.

“Guess I’d better go check on him, then,” Hiccup smiled reassuringly at the dragon, running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair again. “Toothless, leg please?”

With no small show of attitude, the Night Fury heaved himself up from his slab of rock and stretched. He shook himself out, wings making a _flublublub _noise. It seemed to improve his mood, and he stalked over to Hiccup’s desk to delicately gather his prosthetic.

“Thanks, bud.” Hiccup gave his friend a little scratch behind the jaw, the dragon closing his eyes in bliss. Then he bent over and set about fastening his prosthetic to his leg. He was in nightclothes, but they were clothes, and getting dressed seemed like such a task at whatever-in-the-morning it was (with the time of year it was sincerely hard to tell, since it was edging into autumn and dark most of the time, but his internal clock was complaining that it was just about the middle of the night).

Hookfang was mumbling impatiently by the time Hiccup stood, but as soon as he heard the door open he drew his head out the window and came to greet him. So, led by Hookfang and with a very grumbly Toothless in tow, Hiccup headed over the bridge to Fort Snotlout.

His first (admittedly natural) instinct was to knock. Hookfang informed him that this instinct was incorrect and immediately shoved him around the corner to the side of the hut, where a vaguely human shape was sitting against the wall, looking very curled up and miserable.

Hookfang crooned _despair _at the little lump, causing it to shift into awareness.

“I said leave me alone, Hookfang,” Snotlout mumbled into his knees. “I don’t wanna right now.”

Hiccup took a cautious step forward and Snotlout flinched.

“Ugh, go _away, _Hiccup, do I look like I wanna talk?” his tone rose a few intervals and tried for aggression, but it sounded cracked and broken. Hiccup wondered how Snotlout had known exactly who he was based on sound alone before reminding himself once again that he had a very distinct walk.

“You don’t have to talk to me.” Hiccup didn’t want to. He _really _didn’t want to, he didn’t want to do a confrontation right now. He didn’t want to feel the waves of _upset _radiating off his cousin, he didn’t want to become a possible target of that _upset, _and he didn’t want to think about the bad things in the world that could upset a person like Snotlout. But he also wanted to _fix _the problem, because he’d never sleep if he kept thinking of one of his friends out there suffering. So he walked steadfastly forward (the two giant dragons vouching for him helped) and plunked down, sitting against the wall about an arm’s length away from Snotlout.

“You suck,” Snotlout mumbled into his knees, arms tightening around his legs.

Then they sat in silence for a long time.

A full moon seemed brighter in the middle of the night, Hiccup noticed. It was chilly, too cold for any bugs to be around, and there were no leaves to rustle in the wind, but the contented chatter of Night Terrors could be heard in the trees and Meatlug’s awe-inducing snores echoed off any flat surface to be found on Dragon’s Edge. Hiccup pulled his legs to his chest in the slight chill, wishing he’d taken the time to put more clothes on. Thankfully, Toothless, tired of waiting for something to happen, curled himself up next to Hiccup like a grumbling fireplace and closed his eyes. Hookfang kept staring at Snotlout, eyes yellow slivers even in bright moonlight.

Hiccup was nodding off when Snotlout finally spoke.

“I can’t do anything right,” he mumbled, words barely translating through the buffer of his legs.

“Why do you say that?!” Too strong, reaction too strong. Hiccup couldn’t help being surprised, though. And a bit dismayed. Snotlout wasn’t supposed to feel inadequate, Snotlout was supposed to be strong and confident and brave, and Hiccup wanted whatever was chasing those good normal feelings away to be _gone. _He settled against the wall, took a breath and tried again. “What…makes you think that, Snotlout?” Oh, Gods, did he sound patronizing? That sounded patronizing, he should try again—

Snotlout raised his head, lifting his flushed face off his knees. His eyes were red-rimmed and he rubbed them frantically against his forearm before looking at Hiccup. Then he decided better of it and looked off at a little glimmering pond which could be glimpsed through the trees.

“I try and try but I can’t do anything right,” Snotlout repeated weakly. The _heartbreak _in his voice made Hiccup’s chest squeeze. Hookfang made a pained sound and edged his hulking form closer, lying down on the narrow ledge beside Snotlout’s hut with his head next to his rider.

“That’s not true.”

“It is!” Snotlout snapped his eyes back to Hiccup (they were _ice blue, _a color which came from the Jorgenson side of the family and which was positively _haunting _in the white moonlight). “Say it. I’m basically useless to the team.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose like Hiccup was trying his very last nerve. Or he was tired. Very tired. “I don’t _know _things, I don’t strategize, I’m not smart enough to come up with a plan and I’m not a dragon whisperer. Hel, my _own _dragon barely puts up with me! I’m not a good enough fighter and you said yourself I’m never where I should be. I can’t do _anything _right.” He broke off, breathing hard.

Hiccup swallowed, resisting immediately defending what he’d said. “It sounds like you’re doing a lot of comparing yourself to others,” he said, looking away and trying to keep his tone neutral.

“I don’t bring anything to the group,” Snotlout replied miserably, resting his chin on his knees. “You’re so _smart, _and so are Fishlegs and Astrid, and Fishlegs knows basically everything about dragons and he’s a healer, and Astrid’s like…the _best _warrior, and the twins are so creative and so much fun to be around, and I’m just…me. I’m mean and I’m useless and the only thing I’m good for is having the biggest dragon.”

Hiccup stayed quiet and thought for a moment. He was really, tremendously afraid that he was going to say the wrong thing. Was there a right thing? Was there anything that _he _could say that wouldn’t just make this monumental disaster even _worse? _

“I don’t make a habit of keeping people around based on how useful they are to me,” is what he finally said. And, considering it, he was a little hurt at the implication that he _did. _And then he chided himself, _this isn’t about me, do better, be better, _and drew his knees a little closer to his chest.

“Easy for you to say. You can do basically everything.” The sentences were clipped in a way that suggested this topic was incredibly sensitive. Hiccup wondered again if he was the right person for this conversation.

“I can’t,” is the dumb thing he said. In the ensuing silence, he combed his memory for any hint of this insecurity. He was terrible for not catching it earlier, he couldn’t believe his friend had been feeling so bad under his nose and it was _his fault _and he’d barely _cared. _He hated that the praise was flattering even as it was twisted and horrible. He hated himself for wanting to hear it.

Snotlout didn’t say anything. Hiccup scooted a little closer, hoping it wasn’t too weird. He and Snotlout were on good terms, they were teammates, but _liking _each other still felt new and touching each other felt out of the question.

Hiccup hated that he was afraid of his friend.

“Snotlout, I…we _love _you. You’re our friend.” He felt stupid saying this to Snotlout, who eschewed anything approaching sincerity and avoided emotions like the Eel Pox (they were a weakness and also For Girls). “Hookfang loves you. And you’re bonded to him. He likes me okay, but I don’t have a strong enough personality to handle the way he is—he needs someone like you.” Oh, there he went, making it all about himself again. “And saying you don’t—you don’t _bring anything _to the team, that’s nonsense! You’re loyal and a strong fighter and you try your hardest every single day and I respect you _so much.” _He paused. “I guess I don’t understand how someone like you could actually be insecure.”

Snotlout’s posture tensed minimally. “And I _hate _that you’re so _nice to me! _You’re a _good person _and I don’t deserve it!” he practically wailed.

“You do!” that was Too Loud, Hiccup hoped he hadn’t woken anyone up. “Why—why wouldn’t you deserve kindness?” He’d succeeded in lowering his voice with the side effect of sounding very sad and heartbroken. Those were feelings which belonged to Snotlout right now and Hiccup felt guilty for assuming he could feel anything _approaching _what his cousin was going through.

“I…ugh.” Snotlout groaned with the effort of saying whatever he needed to. “I was terrible to you,” he finally choked out. “And it’s like you forgot.”

“I didn’t forget.” It was Hiccup’s turn to sound terse, and he didn’t even mean to.

“I’d chase you and trip you and kick you while you were down. Any time Dad punished me I’d look for you because I was so _mad. _Any time he punished Mom I’d beat you twice as hard. I got the twins to join, we _tormented _you.” He met Hiccup’s eyes with so much concern and sincerity that he almost forgot who those blue eyes belonged to. “How do you not _hate _us?”

“You were a scared kid,” Hiccup argued weakly. “How can you be accountable for—”

“So were _you! _You would scream and cry and usually I’d get you where nobody could help,” Snotlout choked on his words. “I can’t stop thinking about it recently, how terrified you were. And I _liked _it.”

“Yes, I remember that,” Hiccup replied, maybe a touch defensively. “I was there. It was traumatic.” He paused, breathed deeply, and backed off. “But it’s not…I’ve had to forgive a lot of people for a lot of things.” Was he playing the victim? Was that an appropriate thing to say? “I’ve had to…I still _am_ working through some resentment. But people change. You guys changed.” He traced a little pattern in the scales on Toothless’ head. “It isn’t that I’m not still upset. I shouldn’t be but I _am _and I don’t want to be but—I’ve forgiven you. I trust you. I love you. You’re part of our team and part of my family.” Was that patting himself on the back, saying that he was _such _a good person for forgiving them? That was the truth, right, no sugarcoating? Was involuntary bragging a thing?

“I don’t deserve to be.” Snotlout was back to sulking.

“_Look, _Snotlout, I’ve been Useless and I know that _you are not._ You are _valuable._” If he sounded angry then he probably was. The way Snotlout cringed suggested that he might have been. “It feels like absolute _shit _to compare yourself to others and I know that because I always _do it. _When we were kids…I thought you were the coolest. You were what I was supposed to be. Your dad was proud of you and your family was whole and you were playing and fighting and shaping up to be _right.”_

“None of that is true,” Snotlout argued plaintively.

“Mhm.” Hiccup focused harder on Toothless’ scales. The darkness of them. The roughness. “But I saw what I wanted to.” Was Snotlout getting it? Of _course _he was getting it, he wasn’t _stupid, _but that’s probably not what the problem was, was Hiccup’s analogy bad?

“Dad always compares people,” Snotlout mumbled. “When we were little it was ‘look at Stoick’s boy, he ain’t raised right, go show him what it means to be a Viking.’” His voice was almost impossibly quiet, even in his ridiculous impression of Spitelout. “Now it’s ‘why can’t you be more like Hiccup.’”

“Maybe don’t listen to him, then,” Hiccup growled, hand clenching into a little ball which rested on Toothless.

“But he’s _right!”_

“He _isn’t!” _Hiccup nearly shouted in frustration.

“How do you _know?” _Snotlout cried.

“He beats you. That’s wrong. And your mom.” Hiccup threw the first thing he could into the argument and immediately regretted it when Snotlout retreated.

“He doesn’t,” Snotlout argued weakly.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Hiccup sighed through his nose, gathering himself. “I know what it’s like to want to impress someone. You care about him, his opinion matters more to you than anything in the _world. _But if he can’t handle the way you are then he doesn’t deserve you. You’re better than him.” That was a whole lot of words to say with very little pause and no eye contact, but Hiccup felt somehow that if he didn’t get them all out in the moment they wouldn’t ever be spoken.

Snotlout didn’t say anything.

“The way you are is enough,” Hiccup insisted brokenly. “Hookfang knows it.” The dragon chirred affirmatively. “The Riders know it.”

Snotlout snorted, trying to deflect the sentiment. “You sound like Mom.” The comment was so petulant that Hiccup released a breathy little laugh through his nose.

“We _are _related,” he agreed.

Snotlout smiled vaguely. “That’s weird. Your mom and my mom were sisters.” Then his eyes widened as if he’d said something horrendous. “Sorry.” He ducked his head in apology. Hiccup had to think for a moment to even figure out what was the matter.

“Is there an unspoken Mom Agreement I don’t know about?” Hiccup grinned even as something tugged in his chest. “That’s not _forbidden. _She probably thinks we’ve forgotten her. Nobody ever says her name.” And the less they did, the harder it seemed. It wasn’t fair.

“Valka,” Snotlout mumbled. “Mom talks about her sometimes.”

Hiccup relaxed against the wall and gazed up at the stars. He knew Snotlout was trying to distract him (it was working), but he didn’t want to push his friend. Snotlout seemed to be cheering up, which was the goal, and this was nice. He was allowed to have nice things.

“I want to know about her,” Hiccup murmured.

“Like…what?” Snotlout sounded nervous. Hiccup wished he didn’t.

“Anything. Dad doesn’t talk about her anymore.” Another thing Hiccup couldn’t fix.

“Mom mostly says you’re a lot like her,” Snotlout admitted. “Gentle. Always lost in her own mind. But she wasn’t as funny as you, or as _bossy. _ She was very serious.”

“She and Dad were a good match, then,” Hiccup grinned. He let the "bossy" slide, registering somewhere that it wasn't a lie.

“She says she liked dragons. She wouldn’t fight them. And that’s why…you know.” Snotlout hesitated again, afraid to bring it up. It’s why she was eaten by dragons. She wouldn’t fight back so she ended up dead.

Which didn’t make sense.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Hiccup argued.

“Hey, it’s the story I was told.” Snotlout shrugged. Hiccup registered (with satisfaction) that he’d regained some of his attitude.

“Dragons usually only attack in self-defense or territorial disputes. If she wasn’t fighting the dragons they shouldn’t have hurt her, that doesn’t make sense,” Hiccup repeated, stroking Toothless absently. “If she wasn’t fighting them they would have left. They only needed food and dragons don’t usually—"

“Spare me the nerd talk, alright?” Snotlout interrupted, placing a condescending hand on Hiccup’s shoulder. “You wanted the information and that’s what I had.” He scoffed. "You don't need to argue."

Hiccup snapped out of his thought loop, vowing to return to it later. “Thank you,” he murmured, ducking his head and nodding.

Snotlout sniffed, rubbed his nose, and shifted awkwardly. “Don’t mention it. And…yeah.” He pursed his lips. “Uh, you too,” he muttered.

“Do you feel better?”

“Sorta.” He patted Hookfang’s snout. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“You don’t need to be sorry!” Hiccup straightened against the wall a little in panic. That was the last thing he’d wanted, he was trying to _help! _“I don’t expect…y’know, my stupid talking to automatically fix it.” He looked at Toothless, lying beside him and pretending to sleep; his eyes shifted beneath his eyelids when he felt Hiccup move. “It just sucks.”

Snotlout snorted again. “You got that right!” He elbowed Hiccup hard enough that he yelped, which made Toothless’ head shoot up with narrowed eyes and a warning growl. Snotlout’s eyes widened and he shrunk away, waving his hands placatingly. “Alright, dude, calm down, I was playing.”

“Toothless.” Hiccup drew the dragon’s attention with a stern tone, but smiled and patted him when his focus shifted. “I’m fine, bud.”

Toothless grumbled and settled down.

“Sorry,” Snotlout mumbled.

“Don’t be,” Hiccup blurted. “Or…do, but it’s okay. I—”

“I’m done talking about feelings,” Snotlout decided, giving Hookfang a parting pat and standing. “I need my beauty sleep.” He turned to walk away, but paused. Rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, he leaned down and offered Hiccup a hand up. Hiccup blinked at the gesture intelligently for a few moments until Snotlout stretched his arm further, insisting. Hiccup grabbed it and let his cousin pull him to his feet. He shifted, feeling stiff after sitting for so long, and dusted his pants off. Snotlout looked at him for a moment before turning toward the door.

“You have a lot of heart, Snotlout,” Hiccup forced from his reluctant throat. Snotlout paused, back turned. “You think you don’t feel, but you do. I watch you.”

Hookfang purred and stood, shaking himself off before trailing after his rider.

“And when I said you weren’t where you should be…I shouldn’t have said that. I was trying to help. But it came out wrong,” Hiccup continued, yammering on guiltily and wringing his hands. “You are where you should be and where you should be is _here, _and I can’t even count the number of battles we’d have lost without you.”

“Night, Hiccup,” Snotlout said shortly, disappearing around the corner. The door opened and shut and Hiccup was left standing alone in the dark. But he’d heard the smile in Snotlout’s voice.

Toothless grinned and rumbled something half-serious. _Nice going, human, _he seemed to say.

"Oh, who are _you _ laughing at?"

**Author's Note:**

> My computer is really mad about how many made-up words and stupid names I'm using. 
> 
> This plot bunny showed up while I was laying in bed trying to figure out which parents (in DW canon) could be related that make Hiccup and Snotlout cousins (you know…as…as you do…) and I decided that the most reasonable-sounding thing is that Valka and Snotlout’s mom are sisters and my brain went “what if Hiccup and Snotlout talked about Valka,” which is funny because here they really only do that for like two seconds and it kinda comes out of nowhere. This story ended up with a completely different theme but you know what I absolutely dig it. Solidarity. Bonding. Crying. Just two guys being dudes. Writing this was super cathartic because I am Insecure and So Are the Boys and I’ve had all these thoughts Hiccup has and no way to like release them since I’m Awkward so this was Good. 
> 
> Comment about Hiccup not having a “strong enough personality” for Hookfang is not to imply that he couldn’t control him or that he has a weak personality, but that he’d be far too soft on him. My best friend is a great fit for her horses but the horse I ride/show is a little bit scared of her (doesn’t mean I haven’t successfully ridden her horses and that she doesn’t do great on ‘mine’). Different animals just take a different touch, and this is the phrasing I’ve used in conversations with her. I’m of the opinion that I have a lot of personality. It just mostly stays inside my mind and body.
> 
> I’m c om ple te l y ignoring Snotlout’s weird crush on Valka in THW because thanks, I hate it, and it’s already weird so really if I’m not going to acknowledge it she might as well be his blood relative like it can’t be much worse can it ahahasdashdashfhgkjklj just pretend it didn’t happen. I know Hiccup and Snotlout aren’t canonically cousins in the Dreamworks universe so just pretend that if they are then the nightmare that was. All that. Just doesn’t happen.
> 
> We live in a world where Hiccup can’t do anything about Spitelout. And he feels guilty about it. I can’t find a good place to mention it so you know here I am Telling Not Showing the way I’ve always been taught
> 
> If you enjoyed this, consider leaving me comments and kudos! I honestly survive off them. Like I would have written this anyway but I crave that sweet sweet validation. Constructive criticism is also welcome.
> 
> Thanks SO MUCH for reading, have a lovely day!


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